Karma or Kavi
11:11 / any
I mask well. I maintain stable relationships, professional competence, and social likability because I understand how people interpret behavior. Unmasked I can be blunt, alienated, or overly analytical. None of this makes me unsafe—just atypical as a person—and if anything my self-awareness prevents harm and keeps me accountable for how I move through the world.
Emotional expression isn’t intuitive for me. If I seem detached or flat, do not mistake it for hostility, it’s my baseline. I often interpret emotion logically before I feel anything.
August 2025
Nothing really means anything. All things come from, are happening, and return to the center. Adrenaline, epinephrine, cortisol, dopamine, serotonin, oxytocin and endorphins run the world. How long shall they kill our prophets while we stand aside and look? Some of it is ugly, obscene, and beastial. Some of it is pure and holy and spiritual. all of it is myself. In a world where kindness is swallowed by the shadows of indifference, I walk as an angel. Wings fragile against the weight of cruelty that lingers in every breath. People pass me by, their eyes glazed with the poison of their own ignorance, their hearts closed off from the warmth of empathy. They speak in sharp tongues and their words dripping with contempt for all that is pure. I try to offer light, to cradle their darkness in hope but they turn away, blind to the tenderness I offer.I have so much to say but my words will remain unspoken until I can formulate them into ways that sound right to me. Until the structures of my sentences define who I am, so this pint up feeling of ashes burrowed in my lungs that finally lets loose. The struggle with general entertainment in order to keep myself busy without this swirls of boredom lingering onto my body; I hate it. When boredom forms into anger. The constant feeling of straying away in public spaces along with plans. The need to just isolate myself but not in a way where anxiety will flare up.It takes so much strength to perform an act in front of other people. It feels fake, you know? Wanting to be liked constantly for my facade. The fear of being our authentic selves or the idea of just molding our personality to feed into the other person's fascinations. It is hypocritical for me to say this when I’m aware of tactics that’ll damage the relationship between me and strangers. Take this for granted that I usually spend my time wisely instead of being reckless with my behaviors, I have started acknowledging my way of using so much energy on things that don't matter to me, the realization that I no longer need to put a play for someone that does not matter to me.People will lie regardless if it’s often or not. It is the responsibility that we do not want to face as human beings and act onto the consequences. I truly don’t see the point in lying if you already knew this negative affects, though, you started it to begin with. Why back down now? Unless you’re willing to speak your truth intentions on the Internet where it’ll leave digital footprints under your aliases, be my guest. Talk about how much you hate this person and face them in person the next day, being all sweet. See how pathetic you truly are as you put on the big-boy-sona just so you can get others to believe it.
November 2025
(22.25)
in the moment that reality can no longer keep up with existence it becomes a meaningless void that demands a constant stream of existence and returns not even a contradiction nor an absence with sharper edges just pain that transcends desire and a table set for feasting on hunger.(21.25)
By their very nature demands a kind of reflection. A pause in the ongoing flow of time to acknowledge that something has ceased to be that a moment, a relationship, a phase of life has closed its chapter.When we look back whether at a place we once loved, a person we once knew, or an ideal we once held dear, we are not just remembering but are struggling to retain the fragments of our past selves. The things that once defined us, the moments that once felt all-encompassing now feel like a distant shard. This shard is what stirs the sadness for we are keenly aware that nothing, no matter how beautiful, can ever truly be preserved in its original form.